Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Daddy's Little Girl!
Hi Mom! "Hi Honey how was your day at school?" It was okay.Everyone was asking if they could come over today. I am so sick of it I just cant take it anymore. "Oh honey why wont you have anyone over?" mom said. I mumbled under my breath.... because of you. "What?" Nothing.She didnt here me. How's dad I haven't heard from him in like forever. My dad was in Australia on a "Buissness" trip right now and he was staying there for a year. My mom had been annoying me lately. Mom, I am going up to my room. I walked upstairs and as I approached my room I saw a letter. It was from Dad. I was so excited he had sent me a letter. I was just about to open it,when i heard mom's footsteps. "Hey who is the letter from?" Uh...Uhhhhh I stuttered as i could not get the word out of my mouth. Uhh.....uh Dad! "He sent you a letter and did not send me one. He is gonna get it ." Uh oh i knew i shoulden't of told her.
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jackie, this story sound very interesting and i cant wait to find out what happens next, the suspense is killing me.
ReplyDeleteJacqui i think that thi story sounds great. I like your detail and how your are going to build up to the climax.
ReplyDeleteIs your character actually going to stay with her aunt?
If i had to say something to polish i would say that the rest of the story follows along with the first paragraph. Maybe also work on punctuation.